Husband ignores parenting responsibilities to workout 5 days a week, wife gives him a reality check and refuses to let him: "I would also like to have something for me"

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Briana Viser • Writer and Editor
Jul 22, 2025 1:00 PM EDT

We all have our hobbies. Everyone has something they love to do in their free time, something that gives their life meaning, something that they wish they could attribute more hours to, but unfortunately, life gets in the way. Maybe you're someone who loves to read, and ideally you'd be with a book reading for hours on end. You'd go through a book a week, regardless of the size. But is it practical? We easily become exhausted by the day-to-day, by our 9-5 jobs that it can leave little room for the time, effort, or brainpower to really focus in on a hobby.
 

When you have children, it's even more difficult. In the story below, the protagonist is a woman who feels in over her head with home life, parenting, her marriage, and work. It's not easy being a parent to two young children, and she's dealing with a 5 and 7-year-old. I don't blame her for wanting more help around the house. Read the full story below. 

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  • 01

    AITA: My husband wants to work out five days a week

    Cheezburger Image 10532301056
    via djiledesign from Getty Images / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    My husband and I cannot agree on whether him working out five days a week is reasonable or not. Here is some context. We have two children, ages five and seven.
    via u/No_Lecture_2018

  • Of course this woman has reasonable complaint. If her husband wants to spend 90 minutes everyday in his free time working out, he's going to have to sacrifice something else. He can't just skip out on dinner plans or taking care of the kids in the morning, he can't just act like he's young and single as a husband and father. 

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    they will for the first time both be in school this year. We both work from home in a demanding field that often requires more than 40 hours per week. I work reduced
    via u/No_Lecture_2018
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    hours, which usually means that I work during the hours our children are in school, with nights and weekends thrown in when I get overloaded He travels for
    via u/No_Lecture_2018
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    - work regularly – about every other week. Other than both enjoying fitness, neither of us has time consuming hobbies. In addition to taking care of the
    via u/No_Lecture_2018
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    Cheezburger Image 10532302848
    via Vasyl Dolmatov from Getty Images Pro / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

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    children every afternoon, I normally take them for at least one full day over the weekend, so he can have time to work or catch up on chores or whatever.
    via u/No_Lecture_2018
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    Amidst all this, he wants to go to the gym five days a week. Our gym is about 15 minutes away and offers classes that are each an hour long, it's not like an Anytime fitness where you can
    via u/No_Lecture_2018
  • 09
    just go and use the machines and work out. There are specific class times to attend. These class times fall in the early morning, during work hours, or around the dinner hour. My husband, in his mid 40s,
    via u/No_Lecture_2018
  • 10
    has now decided that he is really into fitness. He wants to make it to the gym five days a week. I would also like to go to the gym, to have something to do that's for me. The problem comes in that it is not possible for us to
    via u/No_Lecture_2018
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    Cheezburger Image 10532303360
    via Kaspars Grinvalds / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

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    both fit in a gym visit each day. With driving and class, it's about 90 minutes per visit. The early morning classes work occasionally, but when the children are in school, it is difficult
    via u/No_Lecture_2018
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    for one parent to do all the things that need to be done before 7am (packing lunches, packing snacks, getting kids ready, getting self ready). Sometimes when work is not busy, one of us can go during work hours. When those don't
    via u/No_Lecture_2018
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    work, my husband asks to miss dinner preparation and family dinner so he can go have that time for himself.
    via u/No_Lecture_2018
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    It is fairly easy for us to fit in between us five visits a week. And it would be fairly easy for him to fit in five visits per week if I never took any time for myself by going to the gym. The rub comes in that
    via u/No_Lecture_2018
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    I think it is equitable and fair for me to be able to go each week as many times as he does, and there is just no way we could dedicate enough time to each go every day (3 total hours per day) to the
    via u/No_Lecture_2018
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    gym, while simultaneously caring for our children and maintaining our careers. We could compromise at each going several times a week, but that isn't sufficient for him, and he
    via u/No_Lecture_2018
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    regularly grumbles about it, and it leads to regular arguments when he is asking to skip family dinner together so he can get his gym time in (during which, of course I have to make dinner with two kids underfoot, feed them dinner,
    via u/No_Lecture_2018
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    start their bath time, all without getting similar time off for myself) (unless we just never did family dinner together, which is at nonstarter for me). what's a
    via u/No_Lecture_2018
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    reasonable and equitable division, and what are reasonable expectations for each of us?
    via u/No_Lecture_2018
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    ETA: thank you all for your thoughtful responses. This is so helpful. For more than a year, I've felt like a failure as a wife and mom because I either couldn't make this happen for my
    via u/No_Lecture_2018
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    husband, or I would feel resentful when I tried. I thought I was being controlling and micromanaging by not "letting" him go to the gym for (almost) a few hours a day and that there was something wrong with me. As for the practical suggestions,
    via u/No_Lecture_2018
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    they all make sense, and I'm willing to try any of them. Honestly, I'm not sure why he has never suggested any of them himself.
    via u/No_Lecture_2018

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